Sometimes I wonder to myself if others regularly amuse themselves as often as I do?
Over the last few weeks I’ve experienced a resurgence of feelings about whether or not “I made the right decision”. I guess this is a common feeling that many recently divorced people experience so I’m not alone, but still, did I make the right decision? Can you ever really be sure?
After reflecting on how things went down over the last year of my marriage and the aftermath of said marriage I’m pretty sure the answer is yes. It’s just that having a child with someone makes you mull over your decisions that much more. It’s not just about whether you’re happy or whether things can be repaired. Once you have a kid, life isn’t just about you anymore. Now there’s a completely innocent being you’re responsible for who’s life is pretty much 100% out of their control. You’re making huge decisions FOR them about what kind of home they grow up in, and these decisions have a profound impact on their development. So of course I’d second guess myself! One of the traits I’m most proud of is my desire to do the right thing, always.
The few choices I was able to make, no matter how hard, were absolutely the right choice. The fact that I’m struggling with how everything shook out and the way I feel about it is my proof.
The one line in the sand I drew in our marriage was crossed. There was the year of lies, of me doubting my own thoughts and feelings, and much of it I was strung along with just enough hope to think things could maybe work themselves out. No one should be treated that way, ever. I respect myself enough to stand with my convictions and make the hard choice when it’s presented.
So, returning to my earlier question though… Is everyone amused with themselves as often as I am? My guess is… probably. 🙂
This is the part where I start to amuse myself. I’ve been asked for relationship/marital advice by a few friends recently. When they ponder giving up and taking the easy way out, guess what my advice is? Make the hard choice! Sometimes the hard choice is leaving, sometimes it’s staying, and most of the time it’s rolling your damn sleeves up and putting in the freaking work! Every time someone makes the wrong choice and let’s you down, it was probably the easy one. Don’t be like them!